Special Valentine's Day Podcast

I wanted to find a special way to celebrate being single on Valentine’s Day, so I thought a podcast episode would be a great way to share some joy. Rather than having one guest, I thought it was important to hear a variety of perspectives, including women and men.

You probably saw my call for singles to record messages through the blog or social media. I thought everyone would be game to do it, but it was crickets for a few days. Then a couple of women from my podcast group jumped right in and sent me some wonderful recordings.

Things got quiet again. I tried to think of all of the reasons people didn’t want to do it. I thought about the first time I recorded my voice and how awkward I felt. I hated the sound of my voice. Maybe some people were going through those same experiences. I also wondered if they were having a difficult time coming up with answers to the questions. I decided to do a Facebook Live to give some examples of how I might answer the questions, after some coaxing from my life coach. He also shared my Facebook Live on his social media, which helped me get two more people.

Then I continued to beg friends and others in my podcasting mastermind group and was able to get some additional responses to the questions, and it was finally coming together.

As I listened to each person share their answers, I learned something new from each of them. I hope you will enjoy the compilation and feel inspired after listening.

Thank you to my brave guests, who brought their vulnerability to the episode and to those who helped me recruit guests. I appreciate your continued support. You can learn more about my guests in the show notes under the podcast.

Listen Now

Can I Borrow Your Voice for 90 Seconds or Less?

I would love to have you join me on a special Valentine’s edition of the Single Soul Circle podcast that will celebrate the single life. Please record your answer to one or all of the questions below, and I will choose some of the responses to feature in the podcast episode and in a blog post. You can record directly on my website and it allows for up to 90 seconds, so answers should be concise. Please complete your recording by Feb. 1.

Tip: If recording without a headset or headphones on, please turn your sound off to limit the amount of feedback. When you are done, you can turn the sound back on to listen, and if you don’t like it, you can re-record.

1. What is one thing that has happened in your life that would not have been possible had you not been single?

2. What is the best gift you have ever given yourself?

3. How do you demonstrate self love?

4. Other than romantic relationships, is there an important relationship in your life you could celebrate on Valentine’s Day?

Record Now

Please also forward to any single, positive friends. If you have any questions, you can reach me via email.

Thank you for your participation and for inspiring other singles!

The 10-Year Challenge

The 10-year challenge popped up again on Facebook. I don’t usually play the Facebook games, but I decided this one would be an easy one. I posted a few old pictures next to my latest picture and shared a few thoughts on the differences I noticed:

• In 10 years, I have gained 10 pounds

• In 10 years, cameras got better

• Ten years ago was the last time I had a real boyfriend.

• I made a lot of internal changes in the last 10 years that cannot be seen on the outside

Most people tell me I should be happy that I look mostly the same after 10 years. Yes, I do appreciate that my parents gave me the anti-aging genes. Sometimes I reflect on the 10 years and am afraid that there is too much sameness. I am still single, working at the same company, no kids, driving the same car, and living in the same metro area (same house for eight of those years). I could choose to look at my life and think nothing has changed.

But, as I look back, even just in the last year of my life, I see a lot of things that have changed and brought new experiences and growth to my life.

• I jumped out of an airplane

• I launched a podcast (actually two - one for Single Soul Circle and one for work)

• I completed a re-brand project at work

• I watched my mentees graduate from high school and start college

• I took a solo trip to Europe

None of these things changed my exterior self (despite all the people who thought I would break an ankle or smash my face skydiving), but they all helped me build more courage and confidence and assisted me in bringing other people’s stories to the world.

Looking at exterior things for change doesn’t usually tell the whole story. I challenge you all to reflect on how you have changed internally in the last year or the last 10 years. Please share in the comments below.

A Beautiful Commitment to Hiking

Tanya and I on our hike.

One of the best gifts I receive from podcasting is the inspiration from the people I interview. I recently had the opportunity to hike with my friend Tanya and then record a podcast with her to find out more about her journey of hiking every day for a year. Not only did she make and keep that commitment to herself, she is still hiking four years later.

Tanya’s story helped me to see how impactful a commitment to yourself can be. It helps you build strength, find peace, look inside yourself and celebrate your beautiful life. At first I was just thinking about the physical effort needed to hike every day. I learned from Tanya that it goes beyond that and challenges and strengthens your body, mind and heart.

Tanya provides advice to the listeners about making a goal and commitment to themselves. She suggests starting with something small and achievable to help you get some solid wins and to pick something you are passionate about to be able to sustain your commitment.

I decided to take a small step in that direction last week. While I do a lot of physical activities, I am often frustrated with my lower back strength and my balance, which probably has a lot to do with my core. So, I decided to plank every day. I started with one minute a day. I thought, I could surely find one minute in each day to spare. I am now on day 9 and have decided to increase it by five seconds each week. So far, so good, and I am feeling a slight difference already..

While planking might not be my ultimate passion, it has helped me to see that I can keep commitments to myself, and I look forward to exploring a new challenge that will make a bigger change in my life.

Check out the interview with Tanya and share with us in the comments any commitments you are going to make to yourself.

Wandering Can Lead to Beautiful Things

When I go on a trip, I have high expectations that I will discover my life purpose and have some earth-shattering awakening or maybe even meet the man of my dreams. While none of these things happened on my most recent vacation, I learned so many lessons over the two weeks in Scandinavia and was able to observe some important things about myself and how I live my life.

The Virgo Planner

Leading up to my trip, I spent many evenings researching the countries I would visit. There were the more traditional sites like TripAdvisor, Lonely Planet and official city visitor pages. Then I found myself down the never-ending tunnel of travel blogs, YouTube videos and Facebook groups. I discovered that some people are more interested in shoving their faces in front of the camera to become celebrities, rather than actually show you cool places in Copenhagen. I took notes on the places that did sound interesting and pinned some of the locations on my Google Maps.

I had convinced myself that I hadn’t done a lot of planning, since I hadn’t really booked anything, other than two restaurant reservations and a pub crawl, that I later canceled after seeing there was an age limit on it (which I passed about 10 years ago).

But I still approached the trip with the mind of the Virgo planner that I am. When I was in Copenhagen, I bought the Copenhagen Card, which included free entry to almost every museum and many attractions in the city. I suddenly felt the need to check off these attractions and was mapping out the best way to accomplish this. Only a few things threatened to get in my way – my severe jet lag and a blister from the shoes I thought would be amazingly comfortable. But a stop at the pharmacy (apotek) and ignoring my fatigue kept me going.

Wandering Away From the Tourist Attractions

Park in Copenhagen

On my last day in Copenhagen before flying to Bergen, I ended up with a lot of free time. I had to check out of the hotel at noon, my Copenhagen Card had expired and my flight was not until 10 p.m. So, I just started walking. After about six blocks, I came upon a beautiful park with hills and a lake. I sat down on the soft grass and just took in the beauty of the park. The park was not listed on any of the travel sites, but it gave me a sense of peace and was a nice place to rest from the frantic pace I had kept over the past few days. It was easy to get caught up in people watching at the park, and my belief in romance (and a touch of jealousy) was restored after seeing a cute couple gazing into each other’s eyes. Had I not wandered, I would have never known about this park or experienced this beautiful place, which gave me some insight into the locals.

Beautiful flowers in Bergen

I also experienced the gift of wandering in Bergen. While the first day was a tight schedule with a fjord tour, I expected the second day to be a waste of time. The weather forecast said there would be thunderstorms, so I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, as most of the beauty of Norway seemed to be outdoors. Well, Mother Nature decided she wasn’t listening to that forecast, and it turned into a beautiful sunny day. So, I wandered. I found a cute little coffee shop. I got a cappuccino and sat at a little table outside and started to journal. Again, I felt a sense of calm with a little spike of caffeine to send me off wandering to discover more new things. This time I found another beautiful park by the museums with amazing displays of flowers. While sitting in this park I heard a musician playing his guitar with the sound of fountains in the background. I felt the beautiful breeze blow through my hair, and toward the end of the day, the softness of small raindrops.

Street Art

In Stockholm, I continued to wander after getting frustrated trying to find my way to a museum that seemed impossible to reach through a construction zone. I gave up on the museum and while walking down a random street, I found a large display of street art on a building, which was free to see, and then stumbled upon a hilly park with a beautiful church in Södermalm.

Wandering Through the Single Life

Wandering isn’t just for vacation. I think we can find the value of wandering in our own lives, especially when what we think we want isn’t really working out. For example, I always thought the path for me was to get married and have kids. Rather than stay in the frustration of that not working out and continuing to push to make it happen, I can wander and appreciate all the things that have happened in my life because I am wandering. Had I taken that other path that so many have taken before me, I would probably not be a super aunt, a mentor, start a blog or podcast or even travel. I have found these activities while wandering, and they have given me tremendous joy. In some ways these things found me when I was unsure of the direction of my life.

Wandering doesn’t have to result in something spectacular. I mean, you might find something you don’t like at all. That is the mystery and magic of wandering. You have to let go of expectations. I know – if you are like me – that sounds scary. If you are a planner and a goal-driven person, wandering can seem like a waste of time. Instead, I think it helps you to get unstuck and unattached to the results of everything you do. It can also open your mind to more creativity and find new direction for your life.

10 Ideas for Wandering in Everyday Life

Here are 10 small ways you can try wandering in your regular life to build up the courage to let go more often:

• Pick a random book and read it

• Try a new recipe

• Talk to someone you don’t know at a networking event or attend a meetup

• Drive a different way to work and take notice of the new surroundings (safely, of course).

• Pick a weekend day, don’t plan anything and just do whatever feels good from moment to moment with no expectations for yourself

• Listen to a podcast that has nothing to do with your interests or profession

• Walk around a park (unless you live in Arizona, you may need to wait a month or two)

• Try on clothes that are not your typical style

• Go to the grocery store or florist and stop and smell the flowers

• Pick a random person from your contacts and actually give them a call (not a text)

Please share your ideas for wandering and your experiences from wandering in the comments below.

While it can be difficult for a planner like me to just go with the flow and wander, when I take the time to reflect, I can see all the gifts I have received from wandering. Sometimes wandering without expectations brings meaning and new, unexpected joy to your life.

Restoring Joy With Sarah Joy Cook

Last month I was fortunate to have Sarah Joy Cook join me on the podcast. I would like to thank Sarah Joy for her vulnerability in sharing her story and for inspiring me and reminding me that even through difficult situations, I can make choices to reconnect with family and friends and to find the things that bring me joy. I encourage you to listen to the podcast and share with anyone you think would connect with Sarah Joy’s message.

Episode Summary:

Sarah Joy Cook made it her mission to embrace her name on her 40th birthday. Since then she has been dedicated to the exploration, expression and restoration of joy. 

Sarah Joy's journey has included writing a blog, spending a month in India for yoga teacher training, practicing reiki, ending her 14-year marriage, training as a life/health/career coach, leaving and then returning to a corporate job, and finally finding love again.

Listen: https://single-soul-circle.simplecast.com/episodes/restoring-joy-with-sarah-joy-cook

Go With the Flow or Work Those Boundary Muscles?

I woke up, grabbed my phone off the nightstand and pressed the button that would reconnect me for the day. I saw the blue message light blinking and looked in my text messages. The bright light from the screen hurt my eyes and made me wish I was still sleeping. “We would never work out because you can’t go with the flow.” That was the first message I received to start out my week. My first reaction was annoyance and a little anger, but I didn’t want to give it any more energy than I just did. Then I laughed. The message was from someone I had dated on-and-off again over a couple of years. I haven’t even seen him in over a year and could really care less that he didn’t want to be my future ex-husband.

I thought about those words – go with the flow. I will admit that I am particular about a lot of things, but when I look back at our dates, I don’t recall ever being high maintenance. Our first date was an unexpected double-date with his friends. I rolled with that one like a champ and ended up getting along with his friends so well that we ended up teaming up to pick on him. We had pizza for dinner that night, and I said I was fine with anything for toppings, so he chose them.

So, what was this “going with the flow” really about? As I thought about it more deeply, I think what he meant to say is that I am choosing not to go with “his flow” anymore. I have been speaking up for what I want and not engaging with behavior that doesn’t work for me. He was correct that we would never work out, as both partners’ needs are important in a relationship.

I think two things were at play to cause these shifts in my behavior. One, is that I have found a better balance in feminine and masculine energies. My natural tendency had been to spend a lot of time in the feminine energy, where I would compromise in all situations and be agreeable to keep the peace. Now I am using more of my masculine energy to be clear about communicating my wants and needs. Yes, I may be fine with any pizza topping, as there aren’t too many foods I don’t like; but let’s be honest, I really like mushrooms. Now I feel more comfortable expressing things as simple as pizza toppings or as deep as values.

Another factor in play has been setting boundaries, which I believe is another form of masculine energy. Because compromise is an important part of all relationships, you must determine where you are willing to let go and which things are non-negotiables. This has been a big lesson in my recent experiences with dating apps. While I may not have met my soul mate, I am meeting my soul teachers and am strengthening my boundary muscles.

I was chatting with someone who seemed like a good prospect, and then I suggested meeting for coffee. He said we should get coffee and go for a walk at a park. In my mind I was thinking it would make more sense to make the decision on the walk after seeing if it is someone I would want to spend additional time with, so I suggested just the coffee. He said he cannot just sit still unless he is watching a movie or at dinner and felt the walk was important. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and did my best not to tell myself any stories about why he can’t sit still. I agreed to meet him at the park and said I didn’t need the coffee part of the date (I don’t drink coffee anyway).

When we chatted in the afternoon on the day of our scheduled walk, he let me know he was running late and said, “Let’s do 7:15.” He didn’t ask if that worked for me (it was almost an hour later than we agreed to meet when we set up the date.) The time he suggested was also when it started to get dark and people would be leaving the park. I started thinking I might find myself on the next Dateline episode – not exactly how I want to meet Keith Morrison. So, I set my boundary and told him that didn’t work for me. He responded angrily, so I hit the unmatch button (one of the nice things about dating apps). It felt good to set a boundary and to be firm about what would make me comfortable and to move past those who don’t find my boundaries to be important.

While the natural instinct may be to feel rejection or anger when masculine energy or boundaries are not met with acceptance, you can also move past those initial emotions. I have moved into appreciation because I am able to see the situation more clearly and free myself to connect with others who do respect the real me. That is where you will find a meaningful relationship. This can apply to any type of relationship – romantic, friendships and at work.

After getting the text that day, I went through my morning routine and put on one of my favorite, colorful dresses that brings me joy. I thanked the man (in my mind) for the masculine energy and boundary workout, deleted all his texts and felt freedom as I started a new week.

Solo Travel Adventures

Solo travel has been one of the great joys in my life. The first time I traveled alone, I was a little scared and at first wondered if it was a mistake. But, I quickly found out how amazing it is to travel solo and hope that others can also find the courage to bring this awesome experience into their lives.

In Episode 2 of the Single Soul Circle, I interviewed Caitlyn Major about solo travel. I have been admiring her solo adventures on Facebook for quite a while, and I wanted to share her story with all of you to inspire you. Whether you have never gone on a solo adventure, or you need that extra motivation to get back into solo travel, Caitlyn’s advice, tips and encouragement will assist you in planning your next journey.

Check out the podcast at https://single-soul-circle.simplecast.com/episodes/solo-travel-adventures-guest-caitlyn

In addition to all of the great resources and advice Caitlyn provided, her words have stuck with me and are motivating me to plan my next trip and to go on some solo travel adventures in my own city in the meantime. She also talked about how being single is a magical time and to enjoy where you are, which has also been playing in my mind as a positive and meaningful affirmation.

Thank you Caitlyn for sharing your advice and encouragement with all of us!

Single Soul Circle Podcast, Episode 2: Solo Travel Adventures, Guest: Caitlyn Major

Expanding the Circle With a Podcast

Image by Florante Valdez from Pixabay

Today I am announcing the launch of the Single Soul Circle podcast. I was looking for a way to incorporate more voices into the circle and thought a podcast would be a great way to share viewpoints from others to inspire the single community.

I was reading Seth Godin’s blog one day, and he announced a new workshop called The Podcast Fellowship. I made a spontaneous decision for once in my life and signed up. A podcast may seem simple, but I quickly learned that there are many elements to putting together a successful podcast from both a technical and emotional perspective.

Not only did I struggle with some of the intricacies of audio editing, I also cringed at the sound of my own voice. I spent hours trying to find music that was fun, a good fit with my material and free. When I wanted to quit, the coaches and my classmates encouraged me to continue on and provided resources to assist.

The last challenge was facing my perfectionism. Before launching, I was listening to some other people’s podcasts and started to feel like mine was not good enough. Maybe if I pulled some of the fun quotes from the interview into the introduction or maybe if I re-recorded my part, it would be better. But, I had to stop myself and move forward with what I had. Perfection is not going to happen and should not be a goal. It is important to start somewhere and have room to grow. My first interview was with my life coach, and he has a great message to share with all of you. I could not delay this any longer out of my own fears.

Thank you to everyone who encouraged me along the way from my friends who allowed me to practice interviewing them, to the people in my class who cheered me on and to my coach who teamed up with me on the first episode. And to all of you who read my blog, thank you for inspiring me every day. I hope you enjoy the addition of the podcast.

If there is something you are thinking about that is outside your comfort zone, I highly encourage you to go for it. You will find growth within yourself and are likely to find a supportive community.

I am also looking for future guests for the podcast. If you would like to be a guest, have an idea for a guest, or an idea for a topic, please let me know. I could also use assistance with ratings on iTunes. If you like what you hear, please take a few minutes to provide a rating and/or comments.

Share the Love With a Valentine's Day Challenge

We’re almost there. Just one more dreaded holiday to get through today, and single people will feel free again. Free from the torture of diamond commercials. Free from your family’s pressure to find your soul mate and get married. Free from the barrage of dating app ads on your social media. We survived another happy couple holiday season, which in my world covers Christmas, New Year’s and Valentine’s Day – the trifecta.

Yes, I know we are already free. We are free to do what we want when we want, because we are single.

I used to let the trifecta of holidays make me feel down. This is the first year I haven’t tied sadness to these holidays, and I’m not completely sure why. I spent Christmas with my nieces and nephew, spent New Year’s with a good friend and will spend Valentine’s Day evening at yoga and will probably top the night off with some Gobstopper Hearts. I have kept myself busy and around people who love me unconditionally. Well, maybe the candy love is one-sided.

I was feeling the love this week leading up to Valentine’s Day. I had the opportunity to see Michelle Obama’s Becoming Book Tour. Not only could I feel the love radiating from her all the way up in our balcony seating, I felt surrounded by a community of positive people. I also couldn’t help but smile when Michelle talked about her relationship with Barack. Sometimes it is easy to forget that love really does happen and is possible for all of us.

Galentine’s Day was celebrated in a special way with my Girls Circle group through a mentoring program I volunteer with. It was our final meeting, and as part of the festivities, we each took turns sharing specific feedback about what we appreciated about one another. The women and girls helped me to see things in myself that I didn’t know I possessed or growth I had not recognized on my own. It really inspired me to consider how I can show this side of myself even more to make a difference to others and to acknowledge and thank myself for some of the changes I have made in my life and the way I show up to support others.

The exercise also helped me think about the ways we give each other verbal recognition. As females, we often compliment appearances. Think about how much more impactful our words can be when we appreciate someone’s character. Recognizing someone’s compassion for others, their positivity, how they assist others, or even how they add fun to our life can be encouraging and meaningful.

Valentine’s Day Challenge

If you are looking for a way to spread love on Valentine’s Day or really any day, I encourage you to give this challenge a try. Reach out to someone and let them know what you appreciate about them. I promise that it will also make your day! Give it a try and let me know how it goes by adding a comment to this post.

I may not be celebrating romantic love this year, but my heart feels full with all of the love from friends, family and the community. Happy Valentine’s Day My Loves!